I'm Sorry for the Things I Said When I was Hungry
by kesleyjo
Summary: Jughead broke up with Betty because of his mainpain. 6 months later he's back and remorseful...with mixed results.


My first Riverdale fic, and my first piece of writing in like 10 years because I can't get these two wonderful characters out of my creative brain. That's also my way of saying I am rusty and be kind.

 **CHAPTER 1:** **I Fully Understand That I am an Idiot**

He and the address were in a staring contest.

Jughead got it from Archie 2 weeks ago, under some sort of secret espionage from Veronica.

"Dude, you have to promise me you are gonna man up and actually use it, Ronnie will remove parts of my body if she finds out you had it and YOU didn't follow through…"

As far as he knew Archie was still…intact, but he had yet to follow through. They were all in New York, all within a 15-mile radius, but he had yet to see her since their last incident.

He thinks that was intentional on her part.

" _Jug, what the hell are you thinking?!" Betty was not hurt, she was not incredulous, she was furious._

" _Haven't we had this conversation hundreds of times before with the same conclusion? I am holding you back, I am bad news, you are better off without me."_

 _He said it like he had said it before. Like a stage actor in the middle of a season, it was just routine for him. And his routine was an excuse._

 _It always started the same way, Betty had an opportunity, she didn't take that opportunity and Jughead made it about him and his insecurities. He had never felt good enough for Betty, and in their final semester of college, teetering on the precipice of real life, he started to lean heavily into his old self-doubting habits._

" _Jug, I love you. I want to make it work with you for the long haul and you are walking away from that." None of this was a question or a clarification. It was evidence for his future regret. "Go, I will not stop you, but if you come back you better come back without this Jupiter-sized baggage."_

 _The fact that she correctly named the largest planet sent a surge of lust straight to his smaller brain, but he managed to keep it together for what he thought was the critical turning point in her life. Setting her free._

" _Betty, I love you, but…"_

 _Betty's glance was merciless. "No buts Jug, this is on you. Not me. I am done with self-pity. You are not the Jughead I fell in love with. If he decides to let his balls drop again, then he can come and see me. Until then, I hope you find what you are looking for." Instead of storming away in a huff, she kissed him. Starting sensitive, but quickly taking advantage of his malleability in her hands by sliding her tongue on his bottom lip causing them to part. Rather than delve into his mouth, she touched the tip of her tongue to his and pulled away, effectively leaving him paralyzed._

 _Only then did she walk away, and Jughead thought that was for the best. He had his last, perfect taste of Betty Cooper and now she was free._

To his credit, six months later, Jughead was fully aware of how much of mansplaining idiot he was.

His progress moved like the five stages of grief as the months fell around him:

 **Month 1, Denial:**

Betty was wrong.

Jughead and Betty had spent their last two years in high school ensnared in endless Serpent drama that, he was certain, made it a miracle that both he and Betty got into NYU and Columbia respectively. Their years at college, free of Serpents and what appeared to be the physical manifestation of Twin Peaks in their actual hometown of Riverdale, were supposed to be the beginning for them. A regression to the mean.

And at first it was. Betty flourished and blossomed in her Info Science program, landing her a researching internship at a large tech company junior year that would fold into a full time offer when she graduated. It was this offer that she had turned down, and Jughead was convinced that it was because his future post-graduation was not as clear, and she was holding herself back while he floundered.

He had thought that he had wanted to be an investigative journalist, but the programs and classes had increasingly disillusioned him. It didn't fully hit him until senior year that he was setting himself up for a career and a life that he knew would rob him of his sanity and his passion for writing. But he felt it was too late, college was for deciding what you want to do with your life, he chose wrong and now he was stuck.

Betty couldn't see that, and she was running herself ragged trying to inspire a fire in Jughead, one he could not seem to find himself. This was the Jughead she fell in love with, it was just that after 6 years, her rose colored glasses were coming off.

Betty was wrong.

 **Month 2, Anger:**

Jughead heard a rumour that Betty was living with Reggie Mantle.

Reggie. Fucking. Mantle.

After their breakup, Betty had moved out of their shared apartment in the middle of the night, leaving, what he was sure were intentional traces behind. The one time he had met with both Veronica and Archie, Veronica took relish in informing Jughead that Betty was subletting with another former Riverdalian and Jughead and assumed that it was Kevin. Or even Cheryl.

Reggie was a creative writing major at NYU. Jughead assumed it was solely so that he could pick up artistic hipsters wanting to bang his beautiful body so that they could accurately write about pain and heartbreak through overly wrought metaphors in their short stories.

Unfortunately, it turned out he was pretty good (who knew?), and since many of their classes were in the same building, Jughead had heard girls and boys fawning over his talent and his good looks. It was nauseating, but bearable. Jughead, in the few creative writing electives he took, inspired similar adoration, lessening the annoyance of the Reggiestans. He and Reggie managed to work towards a manderstanding, where they would nod and say each other's names in gruff respect when they passed in the hallways.

Until the one day that a girl sitting at a nearby table in one of the study areas was recounting her misguided adventure of trying to seduce Reggie on a strictly platonic study date at his apartment.

"…but then, this damn blonde girl…who is like stupid pretty…comes out from who knows where…"

That certainly got his attention.

"…and they were like all chummy and shit…I guess they know each other from high school…"

It was this point that Jughead had leaned so far over he had to put up his foot on the chair next to him to maintain balance. The girl's friend stopped the story with a grasp on her arm and horrified gesture at Jughead.

"Uh, hello? Eavesdrop much?"

He didn't even bother apologizing as he shoved his work into his bag and sped up two flights of stairs to the floor he thought, and hoped Reggie was having class. The class change was due in 15 minutes which gave Jughead enough time to think of what to say. He had settled on simply asking if Betty was living with him and then proceed to other more concerning questions.

Jughead broke up with Betty, but he hadn't fully let himself realize what that meant. Like, practically. He was starting to at night, when he reached out for her body. But he hadn't quite thought about how when he reached out for her someone else might be doing the same with more successful results.

He and Betty had only ever been with each other, and Jughead had memorized every inch of her. He knew how she sighed when he pressed his thumb on her breast, how she throws her head back and closes her eyes right before she comes undone.

But now instead of his hands, he was imagining Reggie's. His hands on _his_ girl.

It was this thought racing through his head as Reggie exited his classroom. Instead of his calm curious questioning (you know, like the investigative journalist he was failing to become) he instead stormed up to Reggie and shoved him against a wall. "Are you sleeping with my girlfriend, Reg?!"

It only took Reggie a few seconds to adjust, and calmly removed Jughead's hands from his shirt. "Well, I don't see how that is possible Jones, since you don't have a girlfriend. Anymore."

"Where. Is. She?"

"I am not her keeper dude, and you made sure that you aren't anymore either, so maybe instead of standing here accosting me, you should spend some time dealing with that."

Reggie left down the hall, with students glancing back in forth between the two of them, hoping that the show might be restarted. Jughead stood there, panting with his hands suspended in front of him.

It was at that moment that Jughead understood just how much he fucked up.

If Jughead lived a thousand years, he would never be okay with Betty not being his girl. And his break up with her was meant to free her from this struggle, this crisis.

Instead of pushing her away he should have trusted her to be his partner. Like they were when they found Jason's killer. Like they were when they found the Black Hood. This was small potatoes compared to that.

But this problem was Jughead, not some tangible outside threat. This was Jughead's crippling belief that he was not good enough for Betty.

So, he would need to figure that out first.

Then he would go get his girl.

 **Month 3, Bargaining:**

Jughead knew, intellectually that this was emotionally healthy, but that did not stop him from feeling like a complete idiot as he rounded on session four with his brand-new student health provided counselor.

So far, they had reached the groundbreaking conclusion that Jughead was not going to become an investigative journalist and that he had a case of crippling self-doubt.

(No-shit)

This session, just 5 days before graduation was meant to help ease the whole, I-don't-want-to-do-what-I-went-to-school-for-please-help-me-I-don't-want-to-starve-and-I-have-a-massive-appetite problem.

"So, did you do what I asked of you Forsythe?"

Ralph (what counselor is named Ralph?) only called him by that name when he was trying to communicate something important.

"Yeah here is the list," Jughead handed him the not crumpled but not smooth sheet up paper with his chicken scratch.

"Jughead!" Oh, that was a good sign, "I think you should feel pretty good about this, we will just have to tweak your portfolio to adjust to this path, and I can already think of some connections to newspapers, so we can get you some reviewing jobs to fill in the gaps."

The decision was obvious, really, once Jughead thought about it. He wanted to be a novelist, particularly writing mystery novels. He felt stupid that it took him this long. It was oddly for the best that he went into investigate journalism to begin with, because he also enjoyed writing criticism, and he had interned at several newspapers that he could leverage to get a reviewer's job to help cushion his income.

Even with that reception though, Jughead could only manage a quick smile that disappeared in a huff.

Ralph raised his eyebrows suspiciously, "Well that reaction is certainly going to require explanation."

"Betty graduated last Saturday." It almost caused him physical pain to say it and not be able to conjure the picture of her in her cap and gown, receiving her diploma.

"Did you see her?"

"No. No, Archie and Veronica, didn't think it was a good idea, I did text her, and send her a gift. But I haven't heard anything from her." He did have to give the gift through Veronica so there was an outside chance that Betty never received it. Or she did but it had been pulverized by Veronica's tiny might.

"That must be difficult, being disconnected to someone you shared so much with for so long." Ralph, may spout clichés, but Jughead found his delivery so sincere, he can't help but be touched by them.

"I just realize the longer that we are apart, I am going to miss more of these major moments. And I don't want to miss anymore. I will do anything to get her back."

"Forsythe, I am glad that you decided to come here, but I have to ask, is your entire motivation of changing your career path based on try to win your ex-girlfriend back?"

"I mean she is driving me, sure…but I can't be the failure in comparison to her anymore."

Ralph squared himself to Jughead so that even if Jughead tried to avert his eyes he would remain in his field of vision, "Jughead, is your driving motivation to be with Betty because she makes you feel worthier as a person?"

Jughead's entire body visually tightened. "That ridiculous, I love and want to be with her because she is unconditionally kind and loyal. She never gives up on the people she loves. She is and endless pool of empathy. She also makes really stupid puns, and while she is organized in everything she does, she is a mess when she cooks…and…"

It was at this point that Jughead realized he was crying. Without his self-righteous anger protecting his feelings he had been straight up falling apart without Betty. And it wasn't because he needed her to make himself feel good enough for the world, it was because she the world was good enough for Jughead without her in it.

"She sounds like a very special person." Ralph had the most reassuring smile.

"Yeah," Jughead laughed a little while he composed himself, "She is the best…and she is not the source of self-worth," Jughead added that last part with a very pointed look over to Ralph.

"Fair enough, but Jughead…don't be a stranger after graduation ok? I have a practice out in the real world too."

 **Month 4, Depression:**

It had a few weeks since graduation and Jughead was still jobless. And still Betty-less. He had had interviews. Still had hope, as Ralph kept telling. As Archie kept telling him.

But as Jughead laid on the floor of his empty apartment…he didn't have hope.

He didn't even feel like writing.

 **Month 5, Acceptance:**

"Dude stop staring at that phone you are making me hella nervous."

"This is it Arch, I get this job, in addition to the online gig, I have a real salary. One might even describe it as cushy salary. Like I can afford to have food delivered instead of having to physically go out and get it." Jughead took a swig of his beer and let himself feel that hope sink into him a little deeper.

"Maybe still go out and get it man, those calories are bound to catch up with you some time," Archie started to laugh and take a sip of his beer, but something stopped him, his grin faltering a little.

"Want to share with class?"

"Betty is asking about you." It was the present tense that caused Jughead to skip a few breaths. But he kept his demeanor as cool as he possibly could.

"Did you tell her?"

"Actually, I've been telling her, she started dropping hints here and there when you broke up. She's just been a little more obvious lately…thought you should know…so you can go clean up your damn mess. You miss each other…oh get that look off your face…"

Jughead started to grin a little uncontrollably, "So she misses me huh…"

"Not so much that she cannot function." Archie took a very symbolic sip of his beer. "She just started her new jobs so that's keeping her pretty busy. But yeah, she misses you Jug…so get it together because you are clearly miserable without her." Archie had mentioned that Betty was doing some freelance database work for smaller businesses and filling the days at an auto garage, nearby. Good for her.

"Don't I know it," Jughead paused for a bit and then added "Arch, if it comes up, you can mention that I ask about her too…"

Archie started to laugh, "Oh dude I think that is painfully obvious." Jughead stated to laugh letting that hope permeate a bit deeper through his body.

A hope that exploded as his phone started to ring.

 **Month 6…Getting His Ass into Gear:**

All of which has lead him here. Jobs in hand. Career path and goals mapped out courtesy of his sessions with Ralphie (a nickname that Ralph himself did not appreciate) for the next 10 years.

Jughead was only missing one thing, and he was staring at her damn apartment building door. (The door was to the apartment she was subletting through the summer with Kevin thank god.)

He was just going to do it. Press the button. Come on. Archie's body parts depended upon it.

And then she walked out the door. Her eyes were on her phone, and she nearly barreled into Jughead, so much so that Jughead had to catch her a bit in his arms. It was an incredible excuse to touch her.

"Oh my god I am so sorry…" Betty's perfect lip dropped a bit when she saw him. And if Jughead was not mistaken he saw the hint of a small smile before she levelled out her features. "Jug, what are you doing here?"

Okay so Jughead hadn't really gotten far enough to think about what he would say when he saw her again. As it was he was distracted by the work jumpsuit she was wearing. The top undone and tied around her waist so that her arms and a tasteful amount of her cleavage was showing courtesy of the simple white tank top she had on. Realizing she was waiting for an answer he retreated to the very last conversation that they had.

"My balls dropped."

At first Betty looked confused but as her beautiful brain worked it only took a second to go back to the last words that she said to him, and she allowed a little, but genuine, laugh. It sounded like the tinkle of bell announcing entry in an old bookstore.

"So I heard, I'm glad for you Jug." She smiled and continued to look at him as if she was studying him, and all the ways he had changed in the past six months. She made no motion to leave, or to say anything.

Jughead decided that after everything, he should just be direct, "Betty, I am and idiot. I broke up with you for stupid reasons, reasons I have worked and will continue to work on. I miss you. And I want you back."

Her teasing smile, her appraising eyes faltered, "Jug you broke my heart. I am so happy to hear you are working on things, but I need to know you aren't going to cut and run again."

"So let me prove it to you, let me take you on a date tonight…as a start" Jughead grabbed her hand. Feeling physical relief at touching her.

"I work late tonight," she gestured at her obvious outfit. "But tomorrow, tomorrow I'm free…" She peered up at him as if she were pleading with him. It almost broke his heart right there on the sidewalk. "Jughead you need to know this is the only chance I am going to give you."

Well that raised his pulse a bit. And his game plan for their date. But all he could say was. "OK, I'll text you."

Betty nodded and then started to untangle her fingers from Jughead so that she could leave. Even with the promise of tomorrow he already dreaded her absence.

Jughead watched her walk away for about ten seconds when she abruptly turned around and ran back towards Jughead. She pressed a close-mouthed kiss to his lips and she put her arms across the planes of his shoulders before moving to his lower back and inspiring other action in the lower parts of his body. Before she could move away he grabbed her face and slanted his lips to increase the passion and length of the kiss.

He was just about to move his hands to other parts of Betty's body that he had been missing when she pulled away. "That Jughead, was just for motivation. Understand me?"

With what little breath he had left he breathed, "Yes, ma'am"

"Good" and with that she sauntered away literally leaving Jughead breathless.

Over the last six months Jughead and put serious work into fixing his self-doubt and being reasonable about his future. He didn't think anything else could be that difficult.

Little did he know the real work was just starting.

* * *

I miiiiiiight leave this as a one shot? Because I don't have this story fully mapped out and I am the best procrastinator in the world and I've got a few other fics I want to start. If people like it I will def write more (I am the biggest people pleaser to ever please). Leave comments if you want more or hit me up on tumblr kesleyjo


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